I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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