woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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