He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
