I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
