discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
