piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
