The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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