I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
