Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
