A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
