..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Randomize
