I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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