please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
