I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
