i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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