I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
