I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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