God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
