There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
