Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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