Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
