youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
