I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
