i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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