I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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