Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.