The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.