she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead