someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Im part way to drunk.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize