they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
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I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.