so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!