Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
