one might say we're banned from that church
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
