There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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