Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.