No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ketchup is God's man juice
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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