Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
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just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
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Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award