We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
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If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.