Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(608): View more from Wisconsin

I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker

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(574): View more from Indiana

I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.

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(706): View more from Georgia

New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.

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