This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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