He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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