sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
