We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
