I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
