I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
