I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
high people should be assigned attendants
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
