I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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