i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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