Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize