my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
