i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you would pick up someone in the library
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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