i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
