She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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