If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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