She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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