This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am one with the molecules
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
