I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
