A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
