I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
