Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
