I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
