then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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