I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
