She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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