Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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