My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
