I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
