Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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