is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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