I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
