So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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