So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
