my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
