his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
