i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
