I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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