I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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